She stood there looking out of place, waiting for me when I returned to my truck from getting a bag of McNuggets. About 5′4″, auburn hair and a shy smile, she seemed new at this. “Could you use some company?” she asked. Before I could answer she added, “I sure hope you need some company ’cause I need the money.”
Truckers call these (mostly) young ladies “lot lizards” because they hang around truck stop parking lots, rest areas or other places where they are sure to find customers for the world’s oldest profession. I’ve seen them before, but this was the first time I had ever encountered one face-to-face. And I failed.
All I could say was, “No, I don’t need company, and you don’t need to be doing this.” At this, she hurried off muttering something like, “But I really need the money.” I got in the truck and with tears immediately began to pray that God would supply what she needed without her having to sacrifice her body and soul to get it. I also asked God to forgive me for my brain freeze, knowing I was one immediate way God could have blessed this precious daughter. How could I have been rendered so immobile on an occasion not nearly as dire as others I have faced during my years as a counselor? “Counselor.” I would laugh at that irony if my inability to respond to her wasn’t so sad. Of course, as it turned out, I came up with a variety of more Godly responses about 40 miles down the road.
What would Jesus have said to her? What would you have said? Share your thoughts and later I’ll tell you what I’d do if I could do it over. Truth is, chances are very good that I’ll have another chance. And so might you.
Wayne Holt said
Steve,
It’s easier to think about what I might say from the comfort of my office at home, and having time to think about it. From this vantage point I would like to think I would have straightened up from writing on the ground, say I don’t condemn you, but here’s some money, please find another way to provide for yourself. From your vantage point I would have said no thanks and run like crazy!! Thanks for making me think!
Wayne
Philip Cummings said
You’re a good man, Steve! Thanks for sharing and reminding me again just how difficult it is to be Jesus in the world. Many safe travels! -Philip
angie said
Gosh, Steve. That’s such a difficult situation….I don’t know many (if any) people who would be prepared to say the “right thing” in that situation. It shows how sweet your heart is that you would think about this and come up with ways to answer when confronted again. That’s the counselor in you.
Just to give you some encouragement, I told someone that other day that you were the best teacher I’ve ever had in church. You’ll find many ways to use these talents you have. . . just give it some time to adjust.
Praying for you in the Conway house!
Cindy Putnam said
I don’t think anyone is prepared the first time they run across an unfamiliar situation. But that’s one good thing about God. He gives second chances, often using our “failures” to help us think through what he wants us to do and be. Next time, you will know what to say. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, and I believe that he will speak through you.
Charles said
Did I ever tell you about the time I was propositioned by a male prostitute in East Memphis on Walnut Grove?
I gave a guy a ride to his “grandparents’ house”…and I won’t even put in print what he asked me.
I didn’t respond well. I told him I was a seminary student, for cryin’ out loud! Kind of a shocking experience. Makes all the blood rush to your head at once. After my head cleared, I found myself wondering what kinds of experiences bring a person to such a place, to ask such a question, to offer oneself in such a way.
I’m curious what response you prefer after reflecting on it. Maybe I’ll use it the next time I give a male prostitute a ride.
CK
Jesse (Maddox) Faris said
Sometimes we find we have trained ourselves with the knee-jerk reaction to just get out of harm or temptation’s way. I am the QUEEN of thinking about a million other responses I could have given in hindsight.
It sounds like deep down, the woman you encountered had two basic needs: (1) to provide for herself (and family?) and (2) companionship. My hindsight probably would have been to offer to share my lunch with her and chat for awhile?
Angie is right–the fact that you thought about other responses later proves your desire to be used by God and your gift of compassion. I pray we all get a few more “second chances.”
Kevin C said
Charles, you’re killing me!
Steve, that’s tough. From a male/husband perspective, that’s something that we don’t want anything to do with! So, it’s good to flee, but it’s still difficult from a “Jesus” standpoint. Unfortunately, you will probably encounter this again. Next time, you’ll be better prepared to assist in a way that will genuinely help that person.
Emogene said
Steve, since I encounter these types of situations everyday, I think that I would have given her some money and talked to her for a few minutes to find out what brought her to this stage and tried to help her to understand that there is a better way. I would have also, let her know that God loves her and that he would meet her exactly where she was, but thats because I’ve been in your shoes many times on my job. God was preparing you for these encounters. I pray for you and I think that what you’re doing is great.
holmark said
Well, Emogene, you must have been reading my mind. My response (thought of after-the-fact) would have been similar in some ways to yours. Initially I thought I would ask if I could give her a hug since so many girls get into this line of work because they didn’t receive the proper physical attention from a significant male. After further consideration, I realized that probably wouldn’t have been a good idea. Perhaps I would have asked if I could hold her hand and pray with her. Like Emogene, I would have assured her of God’s love for her…something like, “You know, you and I have something in common. God loves both of us equally although neither of us deserve it.” Then I would have given her some money or food (I keep a stash of food in my truck). I believe I’ll have other chances to do this over. Perhaps next time I’ll be ready.
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts. I am benefitting from your comments.
Steve
JS said
Having been in your situation myself on a number of occasions also in my profession, I learned to establish rapport prior moving to more intimate conversation such as where I would ask for a moment to pray with her. Like Imogene I would have asked given her a few dollars if I could and ask her to have a cup of coffee back inside. Then, move the conversation to how she became so desperate. Maybe a prayer before you part would be more of a door opener. To do it at first, might make her feel judged. We all go through periods of desperation and sometimes feel like there are no good choices. Compassion, empathy and a gentle push in a better direction is the goal. The counselor in you would take over and you would convey that very thing. I am sure of it. I’ve seen you do it! Seek out the good qualities and offer to help her connect with someone who could help her in that town. It’s a bit of extra work, but there are no conincidences. God put her in your path perhaps to prepare you for the next time you speak of. I look forward to hearing how it goes.
Bruce Bates said
Hey Steve,
I can see myself being dumbfounded as well. Something similar happened to me in Memphis. I was driving for Tom’s and I was asked by a prostitute in Memphis, in midtown as I recollect, for some food off the truck. Her demeaner and her dark make-up (not a pretty sight) so startled me that I found myself scared. I can remember her words with the thick southern drawl, “but Iaaaam huuungreh” I tossed her some food and went on. I remember thinking too how unprepared I was for that moment and thought later I should have said and done so much more. … God, help us to be familiar enough with the people in this world that are hurting to allow our spirits to be relaxed in their presence, so that we can comfort them with your presence.
Tim said
I would have asked her if she were to die tonight did she know for sure if …. Then would have set her straight on instrumental music, how often to take communion, etc.
Or
I’ve had 2 thoughts:
1. The first thing that came to mind was Jesus’ encounter with the woman caught in adultery. He both showed mercy and challenged her. However the words might be expressed, it sounds like most of us want the interaction to go in that direction.
2. My other thought is Jesus’ encouragement to the disciples, that when they were in situations where they might not find words, they should trust the Holy Spirit to provide. But like you, I find myself hearing those words after the door has closed. Maybe that points to the need for more of an ongoing receptivity to the Spirit so that he isn’t on hold.
Call me sometime when you’ll be in Searcy. I know a great place where you can get a cheap breakfast!
BTW: What does “Holmark” mean? I thought you might be delivering greeting cards that had been misspelled.
TC
Steve Sr. said
If I only had you folks with me at the time. Thanks for your comments. Tim, I’ve often wondered if the first thing that comes to mind in situations like this really is a prompting from the Spirit.
By the way, holmark is a combination of my last name (Holt) and my middle name (Mark). Tell me more about the “cheap” breakfast…
Steve
smh00a said
Tim – You’re talking about that smoky breakfast joint in downtown Searcy, right?
MT said
JS said: “Like Imogene I would have asked given her a few dollars if I could and ask her to have a cup of coffee back inside. Then, move the conversation to how she became so desperate. Maybe a prayer before you part would be more of a door opener. To do it at first, might make her feel judged.”
While I completely agree about putting the prayer off until you “establish some rapport,” JS’s take on what should be done doesn’t settle right with me. “Then move the conversation to … ” Would you guide the conversation? Why not just let her guide it or let no one guide it? I feel that helping her should be main objective, and any chance to share your faith is bonus. One thing I’ve learned is that conversations should be natural. I don’t want to be friends with people who seem to have an agenda when I talk to them; it’s not a give and take approach. That’s just me.
It’s hard to say what I would do. I would like to think I’d buy her some food, talk to her for a second, and maybe pray with her. But I’m pretty inconsistent and weak, so I might not say anything to her at all.
Tim said
Smh00a- It’s not smoky anymore. Ark. is now smoke free in all businesses (except bars.) But it’s still a joint. Character!
JS said
MT, good points. Maybe the word “guide” that I chose to use was too ambiguous, but I was responding to the personality that I know Steve has. For others, clarification is certainly appropriate. My point was that we should always be focused on our mission in life, which is our own salvation and that of others as we have opportunity. In that regard, we “guide,” but never coerce or have a judgmental agenda. Steve is good at sharing his compassionate heart for Christ in all kinds of situations. Just giving her an opportunity to share her thoughts and the facts of her situation as she feels comfortable over a cup of coffee may just give him the opportunity that God leads him to take. In that regard it is natural as you have said. God will seize these opportunities if we are open to His Spirit. He does lead and guide and move conversations as we let Him. By so doing, that is helping her. I’m sorry my original post was unsettling to you and hope that this clarification is helpful. God bless.
Linda Kiebish said
Hi Steve and Merry Christmas- While I’m keeping up with the reading of your blog, I’ve been having trouble finding time to reply. My first thought when I read this posting was that insurance ad that says “Life comes at you fast!” It’s the surprise of a new situation that leaves us with that inability to come up with a Christ-like response. I must confess that I still struggle with what to say to those who knock on our door and want to share their faith. As many times as it has happened, I’m still not comfortable with how I deal with it. I believe that God knows our hearts and that when we know we’ve missed it, are sorry, and pray to do better the next time, He will provide the opportunity and the help of His Spirit. These postings continue to be a real encouragement to me! Love you.
Linda